Having lunch at a Cha-chaang-teng was fun. Food was cheap and delicious, and it was nice for KaiMa to spend some time away from her house. It was nice for her to be normal again.
After lunch, we went shopping. She bought some clothes for little baby, and a pair of stretchy pants for herself. And it struck me.
It wasn't then until I realized how much she has aged. She isn't 25 anymore. No matter how many times I've seen her after she has past age 25, in my mind, she has always been the young woman who took care of me when my head was inappropriately big compared to my body size. Today, pushing her semi-wheelchair, I saw a fragile woman.
A fragile woman who isn't accepting the facts. (Maybe that's a good thing?)
She asked me my impression for Son#1's wife (let's call her S1W). I gave her the obligatory white lie, "Oh she's nice." Then she cut me off as I began my uncontrollable rant. She told me S1W is a good girl, she's from a small town, and she's friendly and caring. (I wanted to interrupt but she cut me off again.) She said the reason why she often neglects her son is because couple years ago, S1W was bitten by some unknown wild animal while back in Arkansas, and now S1W is sort of ill and sometimes cannot take care of a little baby.
I was taken back by her words. As I continued pushing, I looked at the back of her head, and I saw a loving mother who is beautifying her world to make it more acceptable. I wanted to tell her what I saw. I wanted to tell her S1W said more than nth times in front of my face that she is very frustrated at the baby and doesn't want to care anymore.
I wanted to.
But what for?
KaiMa is a very good person. She's fighting. The truth is, phase 4 cancer in your lungs and spine is terminal. The truth is, she will die soon. Chemo, Chinese herbal medicine, radiation, ginseng, whatever whatever will help, but won't cure. The truth is, S1W is not a good mother. The truth is, I wanted to yell and beat up Son#2 today. But She IS fighting and living everyday. The last thing she wants to hear is my opinion.
If ignoring the truth can keep her happy,
She's very delighted to stay inside the Matrix.
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