I never answer my cell phone at work. Today I did. And it brought me horrible news.
My godmother, my dear Kai-Ma, who lives in NY, called me, and calmly told me she was diagnosed with kidney cancer. Emergency surgery was performed in March. A recent follow-up confirmed the cancer has indeed spread to the lungs and bone marrow.
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I didn't know what to do or how to react.
I took a long walk along the river. My mind was running blank. At the end of the walk, I entered a salon to have a haircut; later, I had McD for lunch.
I finished the working day. Looking at the monitor, looking at my cell phone, 6 hours after I first heard the news, I wanted to believe that it was a dream. A day-dream. That everything was made up, and everything is now fine and dandy.
I tried to act normal at work, during dinner, during fellowship. Not that I was faking it. I just didn't know what to do. Never have I experienced this. My heart asked, "should I be in sorrow? Or should I be optimistic? should I joke around? or should I weep?"
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I'm planning to fly to NY soon.
In the meantime, until I have confirmation of a pessimistic outcome, I have decided to live a normal life. Continue to work, to watch to NBA, to play ball, and to feel the sadness that looms.
3 comments:
"should I be in sorrow? Or should I be optimistic? should I joke around? or should I weep?" I remember it was exactly how I felt when my mum got a stroke in 2002. There's probably nothing much to do except continue the every day life. Prepare yourself for the meeting. It hurts.
Take care.
You and your Godmother are in my prayer.
I am sorry for your godmother's illness. Just feel what you feel and you don't need to think if you feel right or wrong as feelings have no right or wrong.
May God comfort you and your godmother thru this difficult time.
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